My Great Apostolic Novel

So, I just read Lee Ann's blog about relevance and it's relationship to writing the "great Apostolic novel" and it got me thinking. Content aside, have you ever began reading something and knew immediately that it was written by a Christian author? I am currently laughing my way through a novel by a Christian (not Apostolic, but anyway) author whom will remain nameless. Laughing because I can't get over how cliched the book is. Sure they have their little twist on the classic Christian novel, but really--they're all the same.

A good, strong, handsome Christian guy is single (because his wife died, of course) and meets a girl who is stuggling with her faith. Through events (such as helping her on the farm, or leading her to find a lost treasure, or saving her from her sinking car) she begins to see his faith and fall in love with him. They, of course, have a hang-up because he is a solid Christian and she isn't. So naturally there is a bit of tension and then she gives in, accepts Jesus as her Lord and Savior, and they get married and they live happily ever after in a nice 3BR 2B house in the Montana, or San Diego, or the Bahamas, or wherever--it doesn't really matter.

Even disregarding the plot, the prose is just as cliched. I've decided that Christian authors need only a 6th grade vocabulary. Actually, I'm pretty sure 95% of the words were on my reading flashcards in 1st grade. Whatever happened to authors such as G.K. Chesterton or C.S. Lewis or Gene Edwards? Granted they weren't Apostolic, but they were hardcore Christians who would rival any Apostolic's faith.

So, I have a goal, I guess. I'll be the one. I will strive to create the great Apostolic novel. It may take me years (just the thought of it makes me tired...) but I shall attempt to pull it off. I've got my thesaurus and my Christian novel plotline next to my computer and I shall begin.

"She looked up from her toil in the golden wheatfields that had once belonged to her father, but now were her responsibility. The sweat from her brow, stung her eyes and mixed with the tears that freely flowed. 'God, if you're really there, I need help....I need help.' As if an instantaneous answer to her prayer, she saw a lone figure materialize on the horizon. Even from the distance and even with all of the sweat in her eyes, she could tell he was strong, handsom, and was she just dreaming or did he have the most penetrating, gorgeous blue eyes she had ever seen?..."