Freelancing is Not Writing

The weird thing about freelancing your writing / editing skills is that even when you're freelancing, you're not actually writing because it's not what your heart yearns to write. Oh sure, you're typing out lovely sentences or remolding other people's efforts into shiny attractions, but it's not where your heart beats. It enhances your craft immensely (a must) and creates cash flow, but it's not your deepest calling.

For whatever reason, it's often difficult for me to switch from freelancing mode to deeper calling writing. I can zip out the emails, scribble down cool stuff the kid did, and create marketing materials at work while freelancing, but the undercurrents of hope and desire demand an immersion that often frightens me. This immersion demands an effort I may not be able to enact--so it's easier to choose lesser pursuits (or chase distractions) than to face it.

Nose-to-Nose

Maybe that's how everyone feels when standing nose-to-nose with their calling, but when you're alone with the laptop, there's no one to cheer you on. That's why reading author interviews, author biographies, literary journals, and writing books is essential for my well-being--it maintains my perspective.

This little "Best Advice" tidbit from Narrative Magazine is what is pushing me on at the moment:

“We were talking about our creative writing students at Stanford, when the poet Alan Shapiro told me, “The most important talent is the talent for work. Without that, nothing else much matters.” Over the years I have found that advice increasingly persuasive." - Ron Hansen

Hmmm

Not "quality work," not "immortal sentences," not "stunning characterization," but work.

Freelancing may not be writing, but maybe it isn't a waste either. Maybe it's what my life needs to add texture and humanity to my deeper calling. Maybe I just need to learn to live with the fear so that the work can accumulate into something greater.

Though I cannot glimpse its completion now, I must continue to compose it in faith.